Survivor's Guilt [Open intro log!]

[worthallthis]

WHO: Soldat (aka CRAU Bucky Barnes) and YOU
WHERE: A public square, Over Easy, a farm, the library, and around the city!
WHAT: Arrival and trying to settle in
WARNINGS: Mostly off-screen suicidal ideation, PTSD, disassociation


I. Acclimating

Soldat had returned to Beacon, after the train. The world was dead. The lantern and the serum kept their body alive, shunted somewhere safe behind a locked door, while the World Eater ate what little light was left. They woke to a world of wild spirits and no friends and no one but themselves for company.

They spent several months there, looking for some way off that rock, and trying not to give into the urge to just smash their lantern and be done with it.

So when someone from Alexandria scooped them up, a stranger, they went.

It's been two days and they have only just manage to convince themselves to leave their hotel room, jumpy and twitchy and uncertain what to do with actual people around. They're sitting outside on a bus stop bench, dressed in several layers of hoodie over their tattered tac vest, in the evening because daylight is too bright, trying to hold still while people wander by and chewing hard on a pendant from the chain around their neck to keep from chewing their cheeks bloody, instead.


II. Over Not So Easy

They have to eat. (WE HAVE TO EAT A LOT.) They used to like being around people. (I'm sure we still do. Somewhere in here.) The cheap diner that has a soft spot for displaced people, and thus probably has people who would be the most likely to understand that they're not sure how to act around people anymore, seems like an okay idea.

So they spend a fair amount of time there on Saturday, buying meal after meal despite their limited funds until they actually do get a job, and copious amounts of hot cocoa. They're sitting in a corner booth with a good view of the door and out the window, with a book they only read half the time or a smartphone where they look for jobs that maybe don't require a lot of social interaction. Working for the Library people is starting to look better and better. (Maybe the Library needs a good cook.)

This is probably a good place for old friends to find them.


III. Exploring

Once used to the light again, at last, Soldat works on getting more used to people. People who aren't horrifying cannibal undead who want to kill them, anyway. Fortified with snacks and their most precious possessions in their many pockets, they prowl the city to try and learn the roads and sounds and the times and places it's most crowded.

They loiter around the Library, even going inside (if that's allowed), though it's kind of overwhelming in there.

They climb up to one of the rooftop farm and pause to gawp at the cows... or cow-equivalents.

They pause to pet dogs, cats, and any other domesticated or even stray animals, luring a wary one with bits of dried jerky from their pockets.

They sit in the sun in a park, eyes shut, and try to remember that it's okay to be alive even if none of their people are, anymore.

Comments

[worthallthis]

Soldat hovers a little, worriedly, not quite crowding but definitely kind of in Yondu's space. Once or twice they almost reach out to touch, but pull their hand back again.

"Is it far? This. This city is pretty big. I haven't explored it all yet." Maybe that should be next on the list. Maybe exploring will help them figure out what to do with themselves, here. (Not a bad idea. Good. See? Even Asset agrees. It just wants better intel for proper opsec. And we don't? DON'T KID YOURSELVES, WE'RE PROBABLY GOING TO BE DOING WHATEVER YONDU'S DOING.)

A point. Maybe even a correct one.

[yondu]

He makes the call, basically renting a ride to get to his place.

"It ain't that far. Most of anywhere worth goin' too I usually walk to. Figured I'd walk home when I was done bastin'."

But now he'd gotten up way to early, has to lean against a light post to keep his balance. "There's this one lil' section of nowhere, filled with warrior clans and the like? That's where I picked to settle down. Felt right somehow. Did you just get here?"

He wonders how long he's been stuck here. It makes sense that without people it'd wear on Soldat. Progress had been little bit by little bit.

[worthallthis]

"Sounds like a you-place. A little rowdy, a little crowded. Like your old ship, right?" Soldat paces around, not quite able to hold still while Yondu looks so unsteady, but not quite able to touch him again, either. "It's been a few days. Four days. I've been. I've been trying to get used to it being light again. And having people around."

They look up, at the clear sky and the shining sun. "The sun's pretty nice. Actually."

[yondu]

"Yeah. Kinda. Well... not so much like my ship. Like Ravagers in general. People got a code of honor they stick to. Them kinds of things."

Yondu looks up then, noting the blue sky. He'd always like the look of streaks of galaxy, jarring swirls of purple-blue gas trailing into fathomless night. Spiderwebs of energy against black. But boy, is a blue sky nice. And also hard on a drunken head. He rubs between his eyes.

"Been a couple of months. Didn't think I'd see any of y'all again. Save for Jack of all the goddamn people."

[worthallthis]

Soldat reaches out, pulls back, then reaches out again and finally puts a hand on Yondu's back. "Well. I'm not going anywhere. I'll. Maybe I'll come move in near where you are. I don't have a place yet. Or a job." And they need a job. They need something to focus with, they know.

(Wasn't kidding about maybe somewhere needing a cook. I'm pretty sure nowhere needs a cook, Sarge.)

I can timeskip us next tag

[yondu]

"You need a spot to sleep in, it's big enough. Bigger'n where we'd been stayin'. Lots of plants, though." Why, because Yondu'd been practicing. There was no shortage of greenery.

"Plenty of jobs, though. Hopin' learnin' to travel from universe to universe'll with the library'll help me in the future." But he's not really together enough to sputter on about his plans. He simply didn't have the brain power for it.

[worthallthis]

"Yeah?" Soldat had kind of been considering the library. But only kind of. Also, they aren't sure they can turn down the offer. Staying with Yondu, even just sleeping on his floor, seems right then to be the perfect decision.

They manage a pat, with the hand on his back. "We'll talk about it later. When you're sobered up. Okay?"

Apologies! Had a bunch of family stuff going on.

[yondu]

It's nicer on this inside than the outside when they get there. It's no slum by a longshot, but it's not a building made for fancy people. It's about as utilitarian as Yondu likes, a bunch of brick painted in beiges and old heavy wooden doors and the like. Old enough that some have graffiti carved into them and a nick from a bladed weapon or two.

It takes him a while to fumble his way in, having to try three different keys despite them being distinct shapes (he went for the traditional style of lock, despite knowing how easy they can be to pick, because he didn't feel like fuckin' messing with it more than that). But when he opens the door? One whole side of the main apartment area is overgrowing with Yondu's weird half-baked and mutated plants. Pretty, but a testament to how he's been a little weird with those void powers.

"Make yourself at home. Somethin' over there probably has fruit if you're hungry. Should be edible to humans, we can stomach much of the same stuff." He's doing a little better. The cot doesn't feel like a journey like it would have fifteen minutes ago.

no worries, I went even longer...

[worthallthis]

It looks comfortable, to Soldat. Like home, almost. A home they barely remember. (I remember, a little.) It took actual effort to keep from plucking the keys from Yondu's hands and doing it themselves, though, the fumbling and multiple tries making them wince a little.

Once inside, they relax some, out of the open. They drift over to the plants, metal hand coming up to gently touch a leaf here and there. "You've been busy," they comment with a little smile. "It's nice. In here."